"I’ll hold you in my heart, until I hold you in heaven."

Darcy, from Austraila, was not quite two months old when he passed away, just one week after receiving his six week vaccines. He leaves behind his heartbroken mother and father and his little twin sister. The following is Darcy's story, in words and photos, as shared by his mother, Brooke.

Darcy Barker
21 January 2019 - 18 March 2019

​Darcy is a twin to his little sister, Jada.​..
​
He was born premature at 35 weeks. Perfect and healthy. Here in Australia NSW, vaccines are to be given at 6 weeks not corrected age. Both my babies received their 6 week needles at 1 week corrected age.

After Darcy and his twin sister Jada had their needles, Darcy had come down with a fever. I was told by the doctor and nurse to give him some Panadol. I did, and everything was fine after that. He was back to his usual self in no time.

"Best friends...We miss you so much Darcy." 

One week later on March 18, 2019, I woke up around 6am for Darcy’s feed time. Everything was fine...completely normal and his usual self.  Darcy finished his bottle, nappy change, and burp and we both went back to sleep.

I then woke up around 10am to roll over and find my son pale, cold, milk stain around his mouth and a reddish bubble hanging out of one of his nostrils. I rubbed my eyes, thinking I was having a bad dream.

I started screaming and my partner woke up. I already knew and I felt sick struggling to catch a breath. I picked my son up and was screaming “Darcy, Darcy wake up” JUST WAKE UP..

I rang emergency services while my partner held our little boy's lifeless body, begging him to just open his eyes. Emergency services told us put him flat on his back tilt his head a little forward and start compressions: 5 compressions and 2 breaths. My compressions were so soft on his little chest; I didn’t want to hurt my little best friend. With every breath given to him, blood and little white milk spots kept coming out of his mouth as the air would come back up. My compressions got harder; I ended up breaking his chest bones. All I could do was scream, "Don’t do this to me! Please just open your eyes!"

 "My job was to keep you safe,
​and I couldn’t."

"One day I’ll be with you again
​and everything will be ok."

Paramedics arrived, ran in grabbed him off the floor, and ran him out to the ambulance. I laid on the floor begging and praying they would get him back; that he would just wake up and he would be OK. This isn’t fair! He is is my best friend and my whole world, I keep saying you can’t do this to me..

I ran outside to the ambulance screaming what’s happening and why won’t he open his eyes with no answer from the paramedics. I’m screaming louder, they race him off to hospital. I have to meet him there as there is no room for me in his ambulance.

I get to the resus room and all I can see is blood, blood all over my sweet little baby’s body, I see them lift a baby blanket and the doctor says “I’m sorry, there was nothing more we could do.”

I almost drop to the floor and my partner catches me. I’m screaming, "Just try again! Please! I know he will wake up!" 

I then sat in a hospital room for 6 hours holding Darcy’s little cold body to my chest begging him to just open his eyes, and asking why and how he died. He is the healthiest, strongest, happiest baby I’ve ever seen.

My son was then taken to the coroner's. I went to see him everyday. My mind was racing. What happened for this to happen? My only answer was vaccines.. When I mentioned the vaccines to the coroner, she instantly shut me down with “Doctors wouldn’t give vaccines to people if it lead to death.” I was shocked, my chest got heavy and I replied,"Vaccines are not one size fits all." I'm still waiting for answers from the coroner as to what happened to my boy..."

They wouldn’t do further testing because they believe vaccines didn’t contribute to Darcy’s death. What do I say? I’m full of so much anger towards any medical professionals, as I’ve spoken to many doctors and none of them will admit that maybe vaccines did this to my sweet little love... I feel robbed.

​
The most heart breaking moment I’ve ever witnessed. Jada was unsettled and not herself for days after Darcy passed, so I decided to take her to see him. I joined their hands together she smiled held his hand tight and kept squeezing his hand. The whole time we were there she slept cuddled up to him on her side facing him and was so settled.

When this tragedy happened I never really thought about how this would affect Jada, she is hurting more then anyone else. They grew together, they're all they knew for 8 months. Jada was a sleeper and was always quiet, Darcy was loud and hardly ever slept. Ever since Darcy went to heaven Jada has been loud and does exactly everything Darcy once did, Jada acting like Darcy used to is the most precious thing ever.. it reassures me that my beautiful little boy is still around."

"Wish I could go back to when everything was perfect,
​just like the both of you." 💙

"I’ll hold you in my heart, until I hold you in heaven.
​I miss you so much my little hero."

"I often wonder if heaven is real, and where ever you are is there someone holding you tight just like I would be.. everyday just gets harder without you, I feel empty. I hope you hear me everyday when I say good morning, are you ok, I miss you, goodnight and I love you. All the heartbroken and sadness I feel I hope you have found a comfy place to rest and feel nothing but love where ever you are. It’s been 3 months since the most devastating day of my life, I love you so much. I can’t wait for our forever."

Please keep Darcy's mommy, daddy and sister in your prayers. Brooke is actively seeking out resources in Australia to provide her with answers.